Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Its okay, you're not mad

Buddy and Bug have been with me for almost a month.  They are great kids.  But, then all the kids I have met through foster care have been great kids.  I think the world has such a misconception of foster children, who they are, what they act like, etc.  They are just kids.  Some have greater brokenness, greater needs, but they are still just kids.

And all kids are similar and they are all unique.  One unique thing about these two is their quotable-able-ness.  They say things all day long that I write down so I can remember them later.  I want to share just a few of them here, just a few because I really am writing them down all day long.

One common saying around here from Bug  is,  "It's okay, you're not mad."  In general, she is right.  I aim to not be mad about silly things and correct in love instead of anger.  Kids need boundaries and correction, but I try to make it about the "rules" and not about the kids.  For example, we don't hit.  Period.  It isn't about who you are hitting or why, although we can discuss that, it is just the rule.  We do not hit.  Anyone.  Ever.  So if a child breaks that rule and hits someone else, they are reminded of the rules and redirected.  So she is right, it is okay and I am not mad, even if I am not happy at the time.

She also says it in response to normal kid stuff, which I really, really try to not get angry about.  Spilling her food, breaking something, having a bathroom accident or a million other things a day.  All of these things happen when you are a kid, so I make it no big deal.  I see it impact kids, but Bug is the only one who reminds me and herself every time that it's okay.  It is okay to make mistakes.  It is okay to be immature.  It is okay to not be perfect.

Every time it makes me stop and think.  I so often forget this in my own life.  I make mistakes all the time.  I am not perfect.  And somewhere inside me, I think, "It's not okay.  You (God, my friends, my family) MUST be mad."  But that isn't the truth.  Within true relationships and defiantly with God, there is room to grow.  Room to mess up and then fix it.  SO, I am trying to tell myself more and more, "It's okay, you're not mad."

My other favorite from K.  I have been working with the kids on saying "Can I please be excused?" when they are done with meals.  They both have been rocking the concept, but K keeps forgetting the words, so most nights, it comes out as, "Can I please be accepted?"   Yup, you sure can buddy.