Friday, August 10, 2012

Baby Girl Left

Not sure that I will ever get used to the goodbye part of being a foster parent. The here one minute, gone the next - forever - part of it. Baby Girl left this morning. After she left, the almost 2-year old I babysit kept saying, "Where Baby Girl? Where is she? Where Baby Girl?" I felt just as confused as she did. Of course, my adult brain can rationalize that she's safe, being taken care of, but the truth is she was just here this morning. For the past two months, it was my job to change her, dress her, feed her, cuddle her, kiss her, put her to bed, give her baths and make sure she was safe, happy and loved. Now it's not.

I feel empty.

Foster care shreds the heart on a regular basis.

Hard to know how to press forward and yet deal with it all at the same time.

It makes me feel like I am always here - always grieving something. I want to not grieve.

Now I have to go turn off the baby monitor, wash and put away the bottles and clean her room for the next child...