Dance of Attachment

At its core, attachment is a dance.

It's a delicate, intricate partnered dance that somehow we all initially know all the steps to.

Unconscious instinct takes over as we sway and bob in time with the music.  Rhythmic, responsive, flowing and beautiful.

But what if some of the steps are forgotten along the way?  Or our partner doesn't know the dance?  Or we're forced to change partners all together halfway through the song?

Then we need to learn new steps and get used to a new partner.

But what if it happens again?

Our partner leaves.  We make mistakes.  Over and over.  Again and again.

It no longer feels right - the dance is off.  We feel like a fool and ugly, not beautiful.

We can't remember any of the moves, but it doesn't matter because we don't even know who our current partner is.

So we do the logical thing.

Stop dancing.


Children and adults with attachment difficulties have done the most logical and natural thing based on their experience - they have stopped dancing.

We as their new partners need to find ways to coax our little dancers to dance once again, hoping again that this time the dance might possibly be what it was made to be -

Rhythmic, responsive, flowing and beautiful.