Monday, July 8, 2019

The alive-est we have ever been

Truth time.  I am afraid all the time.  Afraid of saying too much.  Equally afraid of saying too little, because I know the stakes are high.  Afraid of being too Christian and not Christian enough.  Afraid of sharing my truth on Facebook, on the blog, in my friendships and in my family.

However, as I approach 40, I am done with the bullshit.  I need reality in my life more than ever and last week that reality looked like me giving notice at my comfortable salaried job last week for a jump into the unknown.

Because no matter how afraid or intimidated I am, my seven year old is watching ME to understand what passion looks like, what love sounds like and what courage is.

And that scares the me more than anything.

Scares me more than not swearing online.

Scares me more than saying Black Lives Matter.  Unequivocally.  Unapologetically.

Scares me more than saying I freaking hate Trump.

Scares me more than being afraid.

Because that little girl is watching ME.  Now.  Not in 20 years when I figure things out.  She is watching me, now.

The other day we got stuck in a summer rainstorm and instead of my typical rush to the car, we splashed each other until we were both soaked and had tummy aches from laughing.  She said to me, "Mom, this is the alive-est we have ever been.  Ever."

The alive-est.

I need more of that.  I need more alive-est, alive-ness.

So, here I am.  Beleaguered, some-time blogger, attempting the impossible.  Attempting to love fully even when it feels like I am afraid fuller.

Attempting Agape.  Getting up again.   Loving again.

Realigning again.

If you are like me, afraid, a mess but striving for greatness - reach out.  I would love to partner with some truth-tellers on building great things and attempting the impossible together.

Top Posts