Saturday, May 18, 2013

Respect for Bio Families, Birth Families, First Families Please

As a foster parent, and working in foster care adoption, I see people in their darkest days.  Whether you are foster to adopt or provide foster care, you work with kids who have been neglected or abused and also with the people that did it or allowed it to happen.    There are times when I feel deep anger and frustration at the choices parents have made.  I cry. 

I wonder how anyone could do hurtful things to a child, any child.  Their child.  And now the child entrusted to me.  And yet...

As an act of my will, I choose to have respect.  

To speak of with honor (at all times, just not when little ears are listening).

To try to understand (even when I don't).

To pray for them (twice as much when I get angry).

To be respectful at all times (not only ACT respectful - Yes, there is a mighty big difference).

It's hard.  It'd be easier to get together with other foster parent friends and bash birth families.  To say ALL birth families do this, or do that.  But it isn't helpful and it isn't loving.

So I stop and I ask our community to stop.  It hurts my heart and it hurts my ears.

And lastly, until termination of parental rights, they are just parents.  They are the parents of this child and deserve respect.


  1. Amen.

    My foster parent training really hammered this point -- emphasizing that you can't help a child heal if that child doesn't trust you. And the child isn't going to trust you if you bad-mouth their mommy and/or daddy, even if you think they don't hear it.

    It is hard, sometimes. But so much better for everybody.....

  2. YES! We need more more more of this exact thought. Thank you for saying this so plainly and firmly. It cannot be stressed enough just HOW important this is! And very timely for me and my family who have a court date tomorrow.


It'll be a pleasure hearing your thoughts. Alisa

Top Posts